Ok, I guess it's on to talking about me as a girlfriend. At my age, that just sounds silly but given all it took to get here, I'll take it!! It's really a sweet and (slowly progressive) story, one of those meant-to-be kind of stories. LOML and I were high school sweethearts. We started "dating" in the summer of 1991. I say "dating" because my parents certainly weren't going to let me go anywhere with LOML since I was only 13! We saw each other at the local roller skating rink several times a week (just about any time it was open) and in school when it started back in the fall. I actually had had a crush on LOML well before we actually got together. I chased after him for a while, had a couple other boyfriends, but none of them took my mind off LOML. He has since told me that he wasn't ready to "date" me when I was chasing him because he was looking to be with girls for a "certain" reason and he knew I wasn't like that -awwww. Knowing him for the great person he is, I believe that and don't think it's as B.S. as it sounds :). So our young romance continued...until April 1992.
I'll have to back up, during my dating-other-guys-but-still-pining-for-LOML days, I met a guy at the skating rink (let's call him D.B. for douchebag and also those are actually his initials, how convenient!). D.B. tried to flirt but I wasn't at all interested. He disappeared for almost a year...then re-appeared at the skating rink, asking for me. And so it started. For some reason, this time, I was interested in D.B. even though LOML and I were happy, no real issues in our relationship, we had managed to stay together for 9 months which is an eternity in teenage/puppy love years. LOML wasn't at all pleased with the extra attention D.B. was giving nor my acceptance of it. We argued about it a couple of times. LOML tried his best to keep us apart, but to no avail. After LOML and I got to school the morning of April 15, 1992 (he was driving-age which is a bonus, of course), we argued, I handed him a note and jumped out of his car. The note was the big break-up. Later that day, the next time we saw each other happened to be in the cafeteria. LOML wadded up my note and threw it at me. A little dramatic but I understood. So D.B. and I were now a couple and managed to stay together 3 kids and almost 17 years later. However, in October 2009, I decided to leave and never look back (more on that later)! I was then perfectly content being single, certainly not looking for another relationship and didn't care if I ever had one again!
Then, not quite 2 months later, in the beginning of December, LOML popped up, out of nowhere. We hadn't seen each other in the past 17 years, except for one time a couple of years after we broke up and one time when we ran into each other at Walmart, me with Tiff in tow and him with his now oldest son. We hadn't talked or corresponded in any way, complete radio silence. However, I had thought about LOML a lot over those years, even had dreams about him. Every time I would hear "our song" on the radio, I had to change the station. I had looked him up online a couple times just to see where he ended up. I figured he was still married to the girl he started dating several months after we broke up. I can still remember when I found out they were dating - they walked up the bleachers hand-in-hand at one of our high school pep rallies. It really caught me off-guard. And to make it even more interesting, I had been really good friends with the girl in 9th grade (when LOML and I were dating). Anyhow, I opened Facebook one day to find a friend request...from LOML. I actually considered not accepting the friend request -being newly separated and knowing how D.B. reacts to those kinds of things (other guys) made me hesitant. But I did finally accept it. About a week or so later, he sent me a private message. We exchanged phone numbers and he called me. We were on the phone for over an hour, catching up on quite a bit from the last 17 years - he was also separated...with 6 kids. I really did not see this turning into anything at all.
But we started texting, quite frequently. I think in the month of January alone we sent each other over 5,000 texts combined! We would stay up entire nights texting. I was slowly realizing that I thought that maybe I sort of wanted to be with him again. However, in March 2010, came the statement that literally crushed me. I had sent him a text a few days before that rubbed him the wrong way apparently. Also, it was during this time that he was finally moving out of the house (and away from his kids that he simply adores) and was having a hard time with it. Anyway, back to that statement - "I can't do this right now..." A little defensive I said, "I didn't know there was a "this"..." or something similar, and he said, "I know you want a relationship...but I can't right now." I literally felt like a giant weight had landed on me...which told me I was obviously more into him than I thought. I thought that was the absolute end to us...or any possibility of us...but he told me he wouldn't stop texting and talking to me. And I certainly wasn't going to stop! And I didn't...I was persistent...and even though he never wanted to call it a "relationship", it basically was! We went out together, texted all the time, spent the night at each other's apartments (among other things). So to anyone that hadn't heard me whine about not having what I wanted and see me obsess over LOML, we were together. He was always persistent too that he liked "hanging out and having fun" (another statement I now despise) but didn't want a relationship, didn't know if he ever would again. But I never let up, never let too much time pass when we didn't talk or see each other. If I could have had my way, we would have been together every day. I wanted to be with him every minute and I would literally cry when I left his apartment in the mornings and instantly begin to figure out how I could get us together again as soon as possible. Obsess is simply not a strong enough word.
It was sometime in May 2010 that I literally, all of a sudden, realized that I LOVED LOML...but certainly didn't tell him that. I instead wrote him a letter, not intending to give it to him until much, much, much later. I was always afraid of scaring him off. I was treading very delicate ground - he didn't want a relationship, had been very clear about that so I didn't want to push. The thought of hearing, "I can't do this right now.." again made me want to throw up.
In July, LOML (an electrician by trade) got hurt at work -shocked with high voltage, I can't remember exactly how much but it was enough to knock him across the room, onto his ass. I had been texting him about dinner since lunchtime that day with no response. By 7:30ish I was getting a little agitated and texted again. Very unexpectedly, his son replied that he had been hurt at work, 3rd degree burns and was now in the emergency room. Just that quick, there was that giant weight landing on me again. We had spent the night together the night before, him giving me a kiss as he and I left for work that morning. I immediately thought, "what if that's the last time I'll see him?!!" (I'm tearing up now just thinking about it.) I rushed to the hospital and finally got to see him a couple hours later. It was past visiting hours but I "lied" and told the nurse I was his "girlfriend" and she let me in to see him for a few minutes. I didn't think saying, "I'm the girl he likes to hang out and have fun with would get me very far ;). Quite relieved to see it wasn't as bad as his son made it out to be :). He did have burns on his hands from where he touched the whatever-it-was-that-shocked-him. It blew a hole in the tip of one of his thumbs! I was at the hospital every day he was there for as long as I could stay. He got out after about 5 days but was out of work for about 7 months = more time to spend together in our "non-relationship".
The next big thing was Aidan, our sweet, handsome (I call him pretty), precious angel. I got pregnant in September...by accident. I was on the pill but had recently changed the type and also one of my other medications, we figure that messed with the effectiveness of the pill, thus my sweet angel was conceived. LOML was just a little stunned when I told him the news, to say the very least. This meant 7 kids for him...and a baby with someone he wasn't even in a relationship with, right?!
As my belly grew, so did my feelings for him...and unbeknownst to me, so were his feelings for me! In late December, the 31st to be exact, he finally said the "L" word! When I asked when it was that he decided he loved me, he said it was back when he was in the hospital. He suddenly realized it then, just like I had suddenly realized it in May. He said my being there for him when things seemed the worse helped him to realize he loved me. So who knew, me being a leach (more so than usual) was all I needed to do?!
However, when I asked why he didn't tell me sooner, he said it was because he wasn't sure if he wanted to love me -that was a kick in the teeth with a Goliath-sized boot! It really hurt my feelings. But it simply went back to him still being uncertain about his direction for the future and his love life.
We finally moved in together in March of last year. LOML had always been sweet, considerate, respectful, called me beautiful, opened doors for me, held my hand...the stuff a lot of guys, especially those "not in a relationship" just don't do anymore but also while keeping me at arms length when it came to the "R" word. But once the "L" word was out there, it was like a total shift into high gear. All those things he already did for me were intensified by a million! He tells me everyday, usually multiple times a day, that he loves me. He sends me the sweetest, heart melting texts throughout the day. He is never cross with me -if he's ever agitated by something I do or say, he must keep it to himself. He is simply perfect, I cannot point out one single flaw, honestly!
Of course, some time last year, I all of a sudden realized that I did want to be married again. After my 17 years with D.B., I almost set in stone that I would never marry again. But guess what? LOML didn't know if he wanted to be married again :). So yet another chase ensued. It was all I could think about. Then around February of this year, I finally asked again how he felt about the "whole marriage thing". And his reply was one of the best things he's ever said to me, "Yes, I do want to marry you." I was ecstatic...but now the next thing to stress over was when he was going to ask. A few months ago he blurted out that he had the ring! I'm on the fence about that -I'm glad he does have a ring but I'm not sure I'm glad he told me.
So, I've been waiting, mostly impatiently, for him to propose. He says he has a plan, says it will happen before Dec. 21 (since that's the day the world is supposed to end), says it will happen before the end of October (when our lease is up and because I finally gave him the ultimatum a while back that he needed to sh** or get off the pot because I wasn't going into another year lease not knowing about our future). So that leaves the rest of this month through the end of October. I really don't know how much longer I can wait before I lose my sh**! Our unofficial anniversary is next week, July 24. I say unofficial because we picked that date once we agreed that we loved each other because it was when we first started dating, 20 years ago. And we really have no significant date from the past two years -should we have picked the date when he first decided he loved me but didn't know if he wanted too :/ uh, no...should we have picked the date I got knocked up, again no...should we have picked the date when he finally did say he loved me...just a few "choices" but hard to nail one down so we just decided to go with July 24. Could he be waiting for that date to ask?? The only other significant date coming up in the next 3 months is my birthday on August 27th -dear Lord, please don't make me wait that much longer!!!
So that's our story. I now THANK GOD for Facebook ;)! And we are obviously meant-to-be, otherwise how is it that we happened to reconnect at exactly the time when we were both separated and divorcing?! How is it that even though he said, repeatedly, that he didn't know if he would ever want a relationship again, he now loves me with the most unconditional, sweet and soul-deep love? How is that even though he said he didn't know if he wanted to get married again, he's now bought a ring? It still amazes me, and I sometimes have to remind myself to be grateful, that I've gotten everything I wanted after chasing for so long and thinking I would never have it. I don't know what I've done to deserve this much happiness or this wonderful man (he is truly an enigma!) but I would give my life to never lose it and I pray everyday that we will grow very old together, as happy at 90 (or beyond!) as we are today.
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