3 1/2 lbs and Tub

Another long one...

Last week was another great week! I lost 3 1/2 lbs!!! 7 total, only 13 more to go! I did set my daily calories at 1,200 but averaged 1,167 each day. I also increased my workout intensity - not the time spent working out but the intensity - it's about quality, not quantity ;). I did try to drink more water but didn't succeed every day. Now that I have reached 130lbs (and below!), I shall treat myself to a pedicure. I've been giving my feet quite a beating in the past 5 weeks so they deserve it too!

***I also bought my wedding dress last week :). Can't post pictures, don't want LOML seeing it. But it is BEE-U-TI-FULL! And I got a great deal - spent $150 less than I budgeted. And was able to buy it off the rack in MY size - only thing that needs to be altered is the length, of course. Not many wedding dresses made for the vertically challenged apparently.***

...so that explains the "3 1/2 lbs" in my title, what's with the "Tub"? Well, I briefly touched on LOML's dedication as a father in this post. But I feel like I need to go into further detail because he is that wonderful of a father.

Not only does LOML adore his children, he puts in time with them, he gets down to their level to play and interact with them, he takes a great interest in whatever they are interested in, he would simply sacrifice anything and everything for them. Yet another thing that makes him perfect. Unfortunately, we only get to spend time with his kids every other weekend per the boilerplate divorce agreement. I know he would give anything to be able to spend every minute with them. But he must work 60+ hours per week in order to provide child support for his children. He is their sole support seeing as how his ex-wife does not, has not and probably will not ever have a job.

YET - she continues to consistently and loudly "complain" about not having enough money. Oh, here's where the "tub" comes in - LOML and I non-affectionately refer to his ex as Tub (The Ultimate B***h). Because quite honestly, she is. She's the typical bitter ex-wife. However, in this case, she was responsible for the failure (via an affair) and dissolution (LOML tried to work it out even after the affair - selfish of me to say, but obviously I'm glad it didn't work out) of their marriage. So her bitterness I attribute to her general unhappiness in life, she knows she gave up something great (although she would never admit it) and now she's left with a loser, a Sanford & Son house, with six kids that she usually leaves to take care of themselves while she drinks to the point where she probably couldn't function if she didn't.

In trying to sort this all out, this is what I've concluded: Everyone is special. Everyone is unique. No two people are alike. Even identical twins have subtle differences. However, why do all ex-wives seem exactly alike?! Although, I myself, am an ex-wife, so all is not a fair statement because I take extreme pride in saying I am absolutely NOTHING like Tub. Let me elaborate:



Tub revealed:

• She would lie to God if it got her what she wanted.
• She thinks that because they share kids, she is in complete control of his life and anyone involved with him. Our business is her business.
• She doesn’t care about the truth or the facts because she’s sees the world how she wants which entitles her to special treatment.
• She schedules things for the kids when they are on our time with no concern whatsoever for our schedule and any plans we may have already had.
• She is blatantly ungrateful that he works 60+ hours a week to support the kids and her non-working (although she’s perfectly capable of having a job), greedy lifestyle. In fact, she constantly complains about not having enough money…after she’s returned from a cruise, trip to Disney World and week at the lake with her loser fiancé whose deadbeat job could certainly not support the lifestyle they have become accustomed to. I, therefore, resent her just a little bit more (if that's even possible) because she gets to be a stay-at-home mom with no financial worries while I long to spend more time with Aidan and we struggle week to week to buy groceries and diapers.
• She vilifies him when he can’t spend time with them or attend their extra-curricular activities and functions because he’s working 60+ hours a week to support her a$$! (See previous point.) THIS ONE pisses me off the most. The hurtful and downright untrue things she says about LOML. However, she says most of this to him and not the kids...that we know of. I can feel my blood pressure rise every time LOML starts to tell me about a conversation or text message received from Tub because I know it's going to be nasty, spiteful, hurtful and blatantly untrue..and there's nothing I can do about it!
• She seems to get more bitter, vindictive, malicious…EVIL with time.
• She spins situations and twists words to suit her and to make LOML feel like complete and absolute SH*T.
• She spreads her hateful venom about him to anyone and everyone who will listen. (Goes hand-in-hand with the above point. However, I feel about as helpless as only being able to say, "NAH-UH!" whenever she starts her rants.)
• She always has to get her way or its no way.
• She accuses him of putting our son first, neglecting his other kids. (This is where I may have to start getting "involved" - the next time I hear of her saying, "Why does Aidan get...Why do you __ for Aidan...", I may just lose my sh**...all over her. I know that's gross but that's about the best way to describe it.)

LOML, as a result:

• He jumps way too high when Tub says JUMP!
• He never calls Tub on her bulls**t. (I know this is because he wants to keep the peace and not risk her withholding his kids from him...but I would like him to comeback with a good 'ol "In yo face!!!" comment...just once :)
• He seems to be holding on to “divorce guilt” (Even when the divorce wasn't initiated by him and it should have been since she cheated on him) which causes him to bend and cower to suit her.
• He’s caught between standing up to her, risking losing even more time with his kids, and standing up for me because he doesn’t want to lose me either.

Me, in the middle of it all:

• Feels like marrying him absolutely means I'm marrying Tub too.
• I would actually pity Tub if she just wasn't so evil.
• I want to take the high road but find it increasingly difficult. (Translation – I'd like to punch her in the throat but my own values and decency and my love for the kids won’t allow me to.)
• I hope the kids will see Tub for what she really is one day, justifying my good decision to be the better person. (And also making me feel better about not ever punching her in the throat).
• I love LOML way too much to let her vindictive, controlling ways interfere with our relationship…but this is becoming increasing uncomfortable and a true test of my love for him.

...and that pretty much covers it :). I have seriously considered getting a voodoo doll so that I can inflict some kind of pain on her...although I think I would want to be able to take full and visible credit for it instead of hiding behind the voodoo :). However, I guess that's the same as wanting to punch her in the throat but not doing it because I am far more superior ;). And believe it or not, all of this was me actually holding back on what a b***h she truly is and how I truly feel about her...